Decenter Marriage
The Decenter Series 5
Hey Pumpkin. It’s me again.
I know it’s been such a long time, but I’m here anddddd I come bearing the gift that is the final part of the Decenter Series!!
I’m so proud of myself for coming around to finish this and I can’t wait to share more stuff with you.
Sooo, with that said, welcome back the Decenter series where we talk about moving the wrong things out of the middle of your life.
Today, decenter marriage.
Decenter marriage as the ultimate goal.
Marriage is not the finish line. It’s not the moment your life finally begins, or the thing that turns you into a “real” man or woman. It’s not the grand conclusion to your story where everything suddenly makes sense and settles into place.
It is simply one path. One option. One way to live a life.
And if you want it, that is beautiful. Wanting love, partnership, companionship, wanting to build a life with someone, there’s nothing small or shallow about that. It’s soft and human and deeply valid.
But it’s not the only way to live a full life.
Somewhere along the way, many of us were taught that everything we do is leading up to marriage. That our timelines should bend toward it. That our choices should consider it. That our worth is, in some subtle way, tied to whether or not we are chosen to be married.
And that’s where the problem begins.
Because when marriage becomes the ultimate goal, everything else starts to feel like waiting. Your joy becomes temporary. Your accomplishments feel like placeholders. Your life begins to feel like a preface instead of the story itself.
You start measuring time differently. You start questioning yourself differently. You start wondering if you are “behind.”
You are not.
Your life is not on pause. It’s not in rehearsal. It’s not a waiting room for something more important to begin.
This is it. This is your life.
The friendships you’re building, the work you’re doing, the person you’re becoming, the quiet moments you spend with yourself, the things you are learning to love, the ways you are healing, growing, expanding, none of these are side plots.
They are the story.
And marriage, if it comes, should be something that adds to that story, not something that finally gives it meaning.
So release the pressure.
Release the timelines that were handed to you without your consent. Release the quiet panic that creeps in when you feel like you are not where you are “supposed” to be. Release the idea that you are incomplete on your own.
You are not incomplete.
You are whole, as you are whether single, partnered, unsure, or figuring it out. You’re allowed to want marriage without centering your entire existence around it. You’re allowed to not want it at all. You’re also allowed to not have an answer yet.
All of these are valid places to be.
Stop letting people make you feel like your life doesn’t count until there is a ring on your finger. Stop internalizing the idea that your timeline is wrong simply because it looks different.
Your life counts now.
Not later. Not when you are chosen. Not when you meet someone. Not when there is a ceremony or a new last name or a carefully curated announcement.
Now.
As is.
With all your uncertainty, your becoming, your in between spaces, your little victories, your ordinary days that are not ordinary at all.
You’re already living a life that matters.
Don’t wait for permission to treat it that way.
So, my love, you are allowed to shift the sun. Let the wrong things dim. Let the right things shine. Let yourself take up the middle.
This is your life. Act like it.
And with that, the Decenter Series comes to an end. Goodnight!!!
Till next time, pumpkin.
With all my love,
Head Pumpkin, Joké💕